I had a God-moment the other day. I had just faced some rejection that left me feeling beaten down and discouraged. As I passed a reflection of myself in the mirror, I caught a glimpse of my red face, splotchy from crying, and a fleeting thought went through my mind: no wonder they didn’t want me. As if audible, God stopped me in my tracks, directed me to go back to that mirror and bade me to stay there until I could see what He saw.
It was so uncomfortable.
I wasn’t at my finest. I didn’t want to look. My eyes were red, my hair pulled back in a severe style that showed off my grey. No hint of make-up, face puffy and skin still blotchy, this wasn’t the put-together image I try to portray.
I wanted to leave, curl up in my bed for a nice little pity party and try again tomorrow.
But He wouldn’t let me go.
What does God’s voice sound like?
Even as I write this, I feel the incongruity of it: what do you mean “He stopped you?” What do you mean “He wouldn’t let you go?”
I’m writing as if God & I have a direct line to each other, and like Elijah the prophet, I hear His audible voice and am quick to obey.
No, it was more like a gut-check. A sudden awareness that what was going through my head was not okay. And a recognition that God had some truth I needed to pay attention to in that moment and I would be wise not to ignore that prompting.
I’m trying to pay attention to these prompts. Feelings? Thoughts? Impressions? Yes – all that and more. Sometimes it’s physical – feeling nauseous or anxious without good cause, and sometimes it’s less visceral, but I’m growing an awareness that this is often how God speaks, and the more I pay attention to these prompts, the louder they get.
So I stood in front of that mirror, not because of a loud voice, but because of a growing certainty that I needed God in that moment. I needed to see what He saw, and it couldn’t wait until after I had a good cry.
Seeing through God’s eyes
What did God see?
It took a while. I had to zoom in close to not get distracted by the mess. But eventually I could say, with God,
I see a woman of courage & strength, who doesn’t quit but keeps getting up again.
I see a daughter of the King, whose worth is more than rubies.
I see a warrior, battle-scarred but victorious, in my army.
I see my beloved, whom I love.
I see one who is forgiven and free.
I see Kirsten, in whom I dwell and delight.
I started with a whisper, then grew to giving voice. I am one in whom God dwells and delights.
The sobs grew, but this time they were cleansing tears, not self-incriminating ones. And I left that mirror with my chin up, my shoulders back and my blotchy face softly glowing with the confidence of one who is loved.
I’ve begun to recognize, through that moment, how often my identity is under attack.
And the biggest defence I have against those attacks is declaring God’s truth – out loud – over myself on at least a daily basis.
The power of positive affirmation
Some call it positive affirmations, or maybe even warfare, but declaring God’s truth is God’s way of arming us against the enemy’s attacks.
You may need your own set of affirmations to combat the specific lies you’re vulnerable to, or you can borrow some of mine (which I borrowed from others).
I am one in whom God dwells and delights.
I literally look myself in the mirror every morning and every evening and say this out loud to myself (quietly, because you know, it still feels wierd).
Some days when I’m feeling a bit more vulnerable, I have to add:
I am a daughter of the King, valued and pursued.
I am His beloved.
Speak truth, friend. It’s the only defense you need against the lies.